Legends of Pitts - Bathroom Tissue Yard Decoration

LEGENDS OF PITTS - NOCTURNAL ACTIVITIES AND THE ART OF BATHROOM TISSUE YARD DECORATION

                                  (Simulated Chris Pitts Work - Demonstration Purposes Only)

As we grow older our hindsight vision begins to tune to a perfect 20/20.  It’s something I learn more and more everyday.  Eventually we all look back at some point and say “What was I thinking?”

So when I look back on these events I smile and wonder.  I knew better, but not enough to stop.  It’s a good thing that “most” of my nocturnal activities were harmless as we can no easier change the past then Superman can spin around the world a million times and turn back time.  (Wait!?!?!?)  But what can I say,  I was driven!

When it came to Bathroom Tissue Yard Decoration, known in the common vernacular as “Toilet Papering”  I am sure many others considered myself to be a renaissance man in the field.  This “legendary” status would only come many years after the fact as those individuals who were “chosen”  look back in awe of my trio’s greatness.  I am sure at the time there may have been some bitter feelings as individuals dragged black plastic bags across painted yards slowly filling them with my artistic medium.  But, as they say, time heals all wounds!

My career started not with toilet tissue per say, but with something cheaper and more challenging.  Back then money was a little tight when we discovered this source we were elated.  Near my house was an old Circle K that had been converted into a corporate office of sorts.  Each day fastidious clerks would crank out hundreds of rolls of adding machine tape.  These rolls were then rubber banded and fastidiously placed in a dumpster behind their building.  This same dumpster bordered the open fields where we used to hang out.  We dubbed these rolls ‘ticker tapes” and each day we would go collect bags full.

Ticker tapes had both pros and cons.  One major pro of the ticker tape was that it was easier to throw than an entire roll of toilet paper.  It could reach the highest heights of the tallest trees and then gracefully return to earth waiting to be thrown again.  In the end leaving roll after roll of connected bows dangling from as many affected branches 

It was also stronger than a normal roll of toilet paper.  This meant you could wrap and throw and curl and drape to your heart’s content without the fear of the line breaking.

The cons were many.  First, it only came in one color.  White.  Those who created adding machine tape obviously lacked creative vision.  Second, it had no discernible smell except paper.  When choosing toilet paper, a myriad of scents were available.  You could actually match your toilet paper scent with the tastes of your benefactor.  Perhaps a nice “summer rain” to match that particular season.  Or a “spring flowers” for that special time of year that the bulbs begin to burst forth.  It’s the little touches that make the difference.  Lastly, ticker tape suffered from a lack of challenge.  Too easy, too strong, too malleable.  Every good artist enjoys a challenge.

To spare the innocent in these stories I will only use the initials of those who benefitted from our art.  But many a late night was spent with Gary Ellis and Jeff Fenstermaker (Neither of whom was innocent despite their appearance!) casing the joint so to speak.  It wasn’t just to toilet paper someone’s house.  It was to do something that hadn’t been done.  Or to do something that appeared from the outside to be impossible.  To do something that would have the halls of Cottonwood High School rumbling the following Monday.

One of our first projects involved a house placed solely and squarely on 13th East in Salt Lake City.  No matter what the hour, this street is always busy.  Challenge Accepted!

My good friend, (and hopefully still my good friend!) AST (Once again we are using initials to protect the innocent.  Full initials with married name included) lived at that house.  Today her house is surrounded by a fence; back then there was little to no cover.

It was sometime around midnight, which, if you didn’t know is the ideal time for bathroom tissue yard decoration.  The bad thing was, it was a Friday night and there was still a lot of traffic.  So, little cover and lots of traffic.  Not really an ideal situation.  Undaunted we trudged forward!  So the objective was to get as much material into the trees and bushes etc. and then take what little cover there was as each car passed.  To our astonishment we pulled it off.  Even a police car passed (Which we would find to be a recurring element in our career.) and we pulled it off!  Finishing, we skulked back to Gary’s Buick and drove home basking in our achievement.  Instead of cigars and brandy, we celebrated with Pearson’s Nut Bars and Mountain Dew.

That was the beginning of a long and productive career.  Each yard, each house, a canvas.  The worst time was ducking from a police car over a cinder block wall into an a dark unknown.  The “dark unknown” being a huge and thick rose garden.  Amazingly with as many surgeries that I have had, that is the most lacerations my body has ever suffered.  I remember having a hard time explaining all of the cuts on my arms to my mom.

The pinnacle of our career was a vision to match Monet’s giant water lilies in the MOMA.  It happened that we had two friends who lived across the street from each other.  Their houses were situated in a small cul de sac with little traffic which was perfect because we would need time.  A lot of undisturbed time.  Our objective:  to paint two houses with multiple colors of  media and then to connect both houses together with the same media!  In my mind a veritable success!  I am sure that KPG and VCM were not as excited as they likely had to clean it up.  

In our own defense, a lot of people knew who was doing this.  I like to think they were flattered....  A lot of the time we would drift back to help clean up.  Denying any involvement of course.  Usually saying something like “I’m not this talented!”  :)

Looking back, it was weird.  I always have danced to the beat of another drummer. (Usually Neil Peart, I love the RUSH!)  But even I think it was weird.

That being said, it was fun!  Weird and fun.  What came out of all of it?  Legend?  Maybe. It will be interesting to see if anyone remembers any of this.  Ultimately it gave me something to write about.

Would I do it all over again?

Absolutely!

But my objective would be The Statue of Liberty……