CHRIS PITTS AND THE CASE OF THE MISSING PIECE OF TONGUE (PART 1)

Disclaimer:  Before I offend anyone here.  (I am good at doing that on occasion) I want everyone to know that I take the disease known as Cancer in any of its forms very seriously.  I have lost several friends to this heinous illness, and I have a cousin who I know may read this who is winning her bout with it.  Ever since I was a little kid if something scared me I would turn and laugh at it.  My sense of humor has always been one of my greatest strengths, and in many cases a very strong defense mechanism.  In this case, the event scared the “What is that smell?” out of me.  I have to laugh at it to keep my sanity.  All of that being said please know I do not lack any compassion for those who have faced or who are fighting cancer.  So with all of that being said, if you choose to read on, please enjoy…..

CHRIS PITTS AND THE CASE OF THE MISSING PIECE OF TONGUE (PART 1)

As I sit here and write this something is bugging me.  I really can’t put my finger on it other than to say I have a weird sensation on the bottom of my tongue.  I can’t really tell because I can’t put my tongue on it to check it like you would a sore tooth.  It’s on my tongue!  Oh wait.  Several weeks ago a piece of my tongue went missing!

Flashback 1930’s North Africa.  Oh wait, not that far.  Flash back several weeks ago.  I had to go to my dentist for a checkup.  Now I am sure that all-in-all dentists are nice people.  They have just chosen a profession that most people given a choice would not partake of their chosen craft.  I am one of those people….

I would rather have a tooth pulled than have to visit a dentist.   WAIT……

OK so let’s get beyond all of that and get to the reality that I actually made it to my dentist and was able to sit in the chair and the wonderful work of teeth cleaning begun.  It is at this point where I am having a one sided discussion (Why do they ask questions of you with both hands in your mouth?) with my hygienist that she pauses.

“Do you realize that you have a white spot on your tongue?”

“Whargh BYU targing abut wete sputa om ne tingue?”  (Translated:  What are you talking about white spot on my tongue?)

“Yes right here on the right side you have a white spot on the bottom of your tongue.  I will need to check with (Name withheld to protect the innocent.) But you have a very discernible white spot on your tongue!  Haven’t you seen it?”

Now what is really amazing here is that Dental Hygienists have mastered the language known as “Talk with two hands in your mouth.” It takes years of practice and is required for anyone to become a Dental Hygienist.  Just so you know.

Second, she asked me if I had seen the white spot on my tongue!  Who looks at their tongue?  It’s just there.  It does its thing whatever that is, and we all go on happy and healthy knowing that.  NO one gets up in the morning and says “Gee I guess I better look in the mirror and see how my tongue is doing!  Then I’ll have some hash browns.”  NO ONE DOES THAT!  (Tell me no one does that….. Please.)

FYI - Even when she showed me the “white spot” in the mirror I couldn’t see the white spot. 

Then the Dentist came in and takes a look at my tongue and he gets a look on his face like he just walked into a room where someone has been cooking three week old Red Snapper.

“Definitely a white spot.  We’ll need to send you to a specialist to get it checked out.  We don’t want to take any chances right?”

In my mind “What white spot?!?!?!?!”

Soooo at that point, my head full of questions I went back to work.  Couldn’t really think of anything else to do at that point.  All rational thinking room was at that moment occupied by questions.

I thought about going and having a beer.  People on TV go and have a beer when they get disconcerting news.  But I don’t drink beer.  So that wasn’t any good.  Maybe I should take up drinking Weinhard’s Root Beer in cases like this.  Who knows.  I usually drink Mountain Dew, but I just read an article that says it has an ingredient  that can cause cancer.  So that seemed like a terrible idea really.

Next, I take the advice of my Dentist and go and see a “Specialist” about the there or not there white spot on the bottom of my tongue.

Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion!